The Summer Before

Be prepared for mixed feelings. Your excitement about the opportunities awaiting your child may be mixed with waves of nostalgia and loss. Seek out support from other parents who are sending a child to college. Take comfort in knowing that part of you will be going with your child. The foundation you have built over the past 18 years will serve your child well as he/she takes this important step towards adulthood and independence.

Recognize your child's conflicting emotions. Your child (like you) is being pulled between the past and the future. One day she might exclaim, "Leave me alone! I'm 18 years old and independent." The next day she might complain, "You're never around when I need you."

Be prepared to see less of your child. As the start of college approaches, your child may want to spend more and more time with friends. Try not to take this personally. Allow the soon-to-be-separated friends this special time together. If you're planning a family vacation, try to schedule it for the beginning of the summer.

Prepare a financial plan and discuss expectations. Develop a tentative budget and be clear about who will pay for what. For example, some parents pay for books and supplies, while their children are responsible for incidental expenses such as snacks and entertainment. Other parents may expect their children to earn a percentage of the tuition, room and board. You may want to teach your child about responsible use of credit cards, ATM machines and college debit cards.

Talk about how you'll keep in touch. E-mail can be a good way to keep in touch with college students, or you might consider purchasing a "call-home card" as a gift. Plan times for telephone calls and discuss who will do the calling.

Prepare your child for life on campus. College life brings students face-to-face with more social choices and pressures than they have ever had before. Review issues regarding drinking, drug use and sexual conduct with your child. Be honest and direct about your values and concerns, but remind your child that he is now responsible for setting his own limits.